babyeeyore. LOVE!

Thursday, October 18, 2007
age gap

i found myself crying again.. i have a friend or two who tried to cheer me up by making me opening up to them.. really grateful..but i find it so hard out of a sudden... i, myself, dont know if i'm right to feel this way or think tt way... but i'm certain that feelings cant be helped but thinking can..

i find it so hard to face it everyday..especially when my true self would actually irritate him..i feel like i'm working under his company or something..like watever i do has got to be satisfying and mature and realistic..every conversation is like introducing a proposal or like having interview with him.. watever i say..or react..has to sound like i'm very fine..i'm tough..at the same time friendly and gentle.. just like how i should behave during interviews..

i dont know if i should feel this way or not..am i being wildful again? can he still accept me for who i am and compromise with me in a way that i'm not being demanding towards him?

i really dont know wat abt me tt's bothering him.. is he really sure that wat he thinks abt me is right? i'm demanding..is one point tt's still worth for me to find out if it's true..

i'm 19.. not 23.. i still have much energy going in me.. i wanna enjoy my life to the fullest..with fun and friends..do watever i can do now before i get too old to do? like crying? hanging out late?

maybe having some restrictions at home is quite a help becoz even if i have all my freedom..he wouldnt spend it with me..but all i could thought of was him.

i think i'm wrong to only think of him.. alright.. i should think for my friends..

friends??? where the hell are they???

i'malittlepony!
10/18/2007 01:54:00 am

Sunday, October 14, 2007
breaking down a little..

i'm being demanding towards him..he said..

am i really?

i feel so helpless and hopeless..

i dont know how to be less demanding in his point of view..

i dont think i am a good gf..

feels like i'm such a failure..

he seems perfect..at least to me..

there's so much i wanna express out.. but i cant find the right words..

i know that there's alot of pain i have to bear if i let go now..

coz everything i do is gonna remind me of him..

i need to be strong..

i'malittlepony!
10/14/2007 10:13:00 am

Sunday, October 07, 2007
Bad day..

well... looks like nobody's having a good time now either..

this would be the last time i'll ever gonna let him hurt my pride again..

i have the freedom to cry whenever i want.. whether he likes it or not..

i wanna do watever i enjoy most..

i should stop watever tt i dont like coz it's killing me..

will god still put me in heaven if i die? i doubt so..

i wish i'll just end up nowhere.. poof.. gone.. die means really die..

no more soul.. watever. hate the life i'm having now.

i'malittlepony!
10/07/2007 12:00:00 am

Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Finding faults?

I happily bought a new curtain and was really happy and proud on my choice.. i came home with a really tired feet and started to fix tt curtain and realised i dont know how to. Mum came back just in time..
i said "aye ma.. how to fix ar..the person said i can hook it up but i have nth to hook."
mum grabs tt curtain " why did u buy this? look it.. u cant hook.. u need alot of things to get it done.. why did u buy? u cant even hook this kind...i've told u already... why cant u listen????"
i "tt person said it's 2-way.. means if i dont wanna hook, i can slot it into the bar.. but i cant find where to slot.. "
mum threw it back at me.. "how can slot?? u tell me la! there's not even a hole for u to slot.. spend so much... i could have made u a curtain in just a few dollars..yet u wanna spend so much on it.. There's so much things for u to do..you dont wanna work and look at your table ..forever so messed up u dont wanna fix..and now you're doin this damn curtain.. "
i "wat u meant by i didnt work?? havent i work enough? i just want a curtain tt's all.. if u dont know how to fix it..u dont have to be that fierce.."
mum" wat fierce? talking to u, u said i'm fierce.. i then dont wanna talk to u..no respect.."...goes on her nagging...and slamming watever she passes by..
i "keep quiet ... i said keep quiet!!"
mum "shout again la! u dare u shout again la!!! i'll fix u.."
i "long ago i already knew u dont feel like speaking to me already.. i tried with my nicest attitude to speak to u and you kept picking on me... u dont show respect to me.. neither will i.."
mum "WAT U SAY?!!!" and nagggggssss and cusss.....

i grabbed the whole curtain and slammed the door.. and ran out to the shop nearby.. to ask for assisstance on how to fix the curtian up.. was really relieved tt the lady was nice and patience.. all i need was just a packet of hook for $1..

i walked home happily and fixed the curtain up immediately.. it's nice ^^ as for mum, she stopped her DAMN NAGGING.

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and wat's my point of blogging? i've realised recently everyone has been concentrating so much on finding faults..instead of concentrating on solving the problem.. they push the blame to anyone who is closest to the problem... everyone were so into fiinding faults that leads to so much misunderstandings..instead of solving it together..

the above is a really good example... yes..she said she wanted to make one for me..but based on her likings..not mine. furthermore..she has infections on her fingers and she's so damn busy with her own things every now and then to be even bothered with me..i've been saying i want a curtain for sooo long.. and she wouldnt even be bothered to listen to how i want my curtain to be like..she just want it her own way... she starts shouting at me if i dont really like her way.. no giving in at all... she wants my curtain to be pulled up but i want it to be tied sideways.. that's so much difference! it would be easier if it's just about the prints on the curtain..

another example was during work.. the last day at scholl..we were asked to "kill" the remaining shoes coz there were some mini faults with the shoes tt might spoil scholl's reputation..everyone killing the shoes with excitement by cutting and disfiguring it.. we are allowed to take them if we come across a pair which are still good.. so a young lady found a rather matching heels and let one of my closest colleage to try.. she took of one side and tried.. and very quickly she found her own sandals missing! she immediately point her finger at me.. "you! it must be you!" wth....i tried my very best to assure her it wasnt me! she said i'm sitting nearest to her.. but come on la.. how far can others be..? just then an uncle innocently admit tt he thinks he's the one.. he said he'll just kill any shoes he sees.. he didnt know and was sorry... true enough.. the sandals was cut into 2, thrown into the box..

see! it wasnt me i swear.. but so wat? if we could have saved our breathe and look for the sandals instead.. we could have saved it.. maybe while she was pin-pointing at me.. the sandals were still doing fine.. anyway.. she gained 4 matching pairs of comfy heels coincidently ^^

hai..

i'malittlepony!
10/02/2007 09:48:00 pm