it's cute. (:
i love!
HEHEHE :D
Monday, April 26, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Sunday, April 25, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Monday, April 19, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Sunday, April 18, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Thursday, April 15, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Sunday, April 11, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Saturday, April 10, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Friday, April 09, 2004
i'malittlepony!
i'malittlepony!
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Sunday, April 04, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Today.. was quite a disasterous day.. I'm a bit tired, i think i will feel fine after a rest.
He asked me if our relationship is boring or not.. Well... I told him it's ok la. I find that he's such a peacemaker you know! Whenever I'm moody or what, I'll purposely try to start a quarrel. He, will be such a good peacemaker that no matter how hard i try, i won't succeed. Haha. Pretty Cool huh?
He also asked me if I have anything unhappy about him. And i said no. It's just that i don't like it whenever he said things like.. "i'm so good to you... Yet you treat me this way..." or things like " i know friends are more important to you la.... Nvm lor....". *sigh*.... I told him that and he doens't seemed to agree with that because it's a fact that I'm like that. Then, I kept quiet.
Not because I'm unhappy with him or mad with him or stress or moody. For a moment, I feel that i shouldn't complain about someone else. I feel that i'm really unhappy with MYSELF and NOT others.
I'm unhappy that.. i don look good enough( though it isn't important)... unhappy about the things i do that makes people pissed off... unhappy about every thing about me. Sometimes, even my good points became my worst points. Ridiculous... Yeah..?
Whenever i told my friend about what i'm unhappy about myself.. It's either she asked me to change(zhe shi zi ran fan ying) or get fed up with me.. She said she couldn't understand why i alwys feel this way... *sigh*... Why... I donno lex. I'm just so fed up with myself.. Feel like throwing myself away.
Someone just take me away. To somewhere, where I'm being accepted aNd where i accept myself. A place where... Lovers get together. No more tears. World peace, NO more destruction. everyone is equal and angels are here to protect you.
Yes, the phrase is.. "no more tears" If i ever have a chance to choose, I would like to be an angel. I know it sounded a bull-shit. But, i wanna help those sad ones to be happy again. I wan to see others happy, as well as myself too. I hate to see people getting hurt becoz i feel so helpless and sad too...
4/26/2004 10:07:00 pm
*yeah* i'm here to feed my bloggy again. Recently, many things seemed to go wrong..
my house ar.... got theif ar!!! wah lau...... alwys steal my things... very weird lex.. i keep losing things at home. partly it's because i alwys anyhow misplace things. BUT, why is it that once it gets lost, it's so damn difficult to find. O.o....??? hahaha. a msg to the theif: STOP IT OK!!
That day before the previous day, i finally got back with my friends. It was a moment of uncertainty about if we were sincere anot. I think now we just need time to build up the trust in each others bah....
I still remember there was a time i dreamt about me doin something and caused my friend to be mad at me and i didn't realised that. Then my other friend will come telling me.. "qianqian.. ni bu ke yi zhe yang na yang de.. wo gen ni jiang zhi shi wei le ni hao lor.." then i become so stressed up. It's like, everytime i will just make someone fed up with me and i didn't do it on purpose and i didn't notice. Then out of a sudden, my good friend will tell me all that. *sianz.......* anyway... my dream came "true". It was about my table being messy and my friend wanted to use it. Then when i returned from some lesson, when she was doin her work on my table, i came and put my things on top of my table. I think i was quite moody or wat, i didn't realise that i've left my things on her things and she stared at me. And i still didn't realise that she's staring at me, i took my other things and walked off to other class. Then my friend was irritated and said "i'm not gonna pack it up for her." *haiz.........* then my other friend said.. "wo bu shi gen ni jiang hen duo chi le lor. zuo zi bu yao na mo luan... ni hai shi bu ting..." then haiz... actually i don feel like changing.... i like things to be messy... i don like things to be neat. i'll feel so empty... i donno why i feel that way. however, knowing that i'm sitting with someone else, i should keep it neat. *sian......*
Something that's great about my life is.. I still have friends who cares for me. I'm not totally a outcast of this world. Although sometimes we might get irritated by each other, it's very normal. Haha. I feel that, if we are alwys happy about each other, something's wrong with that le. Yeah...? Friends doesn't have to alwys agree with each other. This made friendship to be fun.
Today... I wanna introduce a song called "*..FiReFly.*" by A teens. A very cool song. NOt very noisy that type. I'm impressed by it.
4/25/2004 10:06:00 am
Many days, I've encountered many sad things... It just made me *uneasy* to see people sad.. Is this life meant to be sad..? i know there's happiness.. but why must sadness ALWAYS come in the way and destroy happiness.. Why can't it be Happiness coming in to destroy sadness...? Why is it that when we are happy, we often worry that sadness will come? And why is it not that when we are sad.. we are worried that happiness will come?
x+x+x+x
All this come and go.. Let me think about the things that just come and go... Feelings.. Mood.. Emotion.. Attitude.. Time.. Friends.. i'm not sure what am i trying to imply to..
Today i've done some reflection of my life... i got scared of myself.. now, i'm so afraid of myself.. I feel that i'm so evil.. I've been lying throughout my whole life.. Whether it's a small lie, big lie, white lie or even black lie.. They are all lies.. I can't live my life without lies.. someone just take me away..
what i wanna comment now.. is about my friend(s).. Pls don't lie in front of me.. I'll know.. I may be blur. But i know. If you're wrong, tell me. I promise i won't *push* you aside. i'll help you more instead if you're willing. No point pointing your mistakes by using someone esle. When you don't admit it and wanna hide.. I'll know.. Becoz you are my friend.
This afternoon, one shot, i slept for 4 hours. Wah.. usually straight after 2 hours, i'll wake up. i think today i'm just like a pig. Lol.
4/19/2004 11:06:00 pm
i woke up, spraining my neck. VERY PAIN AR... as in.. i'm not "lively" anymore.. i already looked so dead and with this neck, i can't be able to move properly. tilting or turning to the right.. is a pain man... old le la..
today i went to watch the SYF semi-finals. DEYI ROCKS!!! Cool man.. especially the drum major. He looked super cool down there.
Next, i had some confusion with my friends when we're about to go for dinner. Erh.. too long to describe. I shall do it tml then.
Next, I played the song for him. well.... i played terribly. i think i wasn't ready. actually, i'm forever not ready. I'm not able to perform well in front of anyone. i'll just panic.. and there goes my fingers. He said it was alright. but i felt guilty afterwards, knowing he's tired, yet wanted him to listen to such a terrible noise pollution.
Lastly, something "amazing" happened to my friend. It was something cool but idiotic. If he's not ready for anything.. Get out of her.
4/18/2004 12:59:00 am
*ouch* aching all over man... i'm like an old lady nowadays.. Haha. I even got my mother to massage on me.. *cool* Today i had PE lesson with the gals in my class.. We had so much fun playing captain ball(my favourite game). i'll alwys volunteer to be the-one-who-stands-on-the-chair. i think probably it's becoz i'm not good at throwing balls la.. Then, Yvonne exchanged place with me. I wasn't willing at first but i thought, "if i don let her now.. there will be very few chances le.." Then, i stepped out of the chair BRAVELY. lOL. *yayaya.....*
We started the game. We were so united together no matter which group we belong to. so *touched*. I kinda miss them already while playing.... We'll be graduating in no time... Seldom we can get together to play such game.. wearing the deyi PE attire, sch shoes... and playing the games IN school.. yeah...?
In the middle of the game, we decided to change group. POOR ME, was being pushed around. *SOB*!!!! everybody was like... "NO WAT! she supposed to be there!!" then the other one will go.. "REALLY MEH?? i thought she's there??" *oh my god* NO ONE WANTS ME. HAHAHA. *kidding* everyone, including me, was just confused about my 'identity'.. Hey.. Gals in 4/6.. MUST JIA YOU OK...??
Feeling moody today.. wasn't able to laugh properly.. my laughter ended with a sigh in my heart.. Why lex... i also donno.. Just don feel good.. Hasn't been eating well recently.. Wat i had was junk food with Yvonne. "that's my Macdonalds'" LoL. i think that's the only thing that will *open* my appetitide..
After 2 continuous days of INTENSIVE exercise.. It's his turn. He better pass thorugh it. If not my effort in running for the 2.4km will be wasted. Hmph!!
+x+x+x p.s.. two months le. x+x+x+
4/15/2004 07:14:00 pm
i've been searching thoroughly for the song i've heard LoOOng ago and i still couldn't find it! i'm clueless about it's title.. however, Olivia gave me a clue that it's by Faith Hill. she better not be wrong ar!! olivia hor?? haha. I remembered the song has a sentence in it, saying "Have you ever been in love??" i better find it. At least i've got something out of thhis song. When i asked everyone around me, they say.. "have you ever been in love" Lol. yayaya... good try.
i really like the bug's life movie alot. so damn cute. especially the caterpillar, Heimlich. Heimlich is a *chubby*, *grubby* caterpillar with a thick Herman accent, dreaming of the day he'll transform into a beautiful butterfly. Like all caterpillars, he is happiest when there's food in his mouth.
he lex.. donno which bug to choose.. and FINALLY. he gave me an answer. it's the ladybird. Lol. about that ladybird ---> because he's ladybird, everyone assumes that Francis must be a girl. But this is one very un-lady like bug. Francis hides his "maternal" side, constantly trying to prove what a man he is. Cool huh?
4/11/2004 04:18:00 pm
Wow... i've done something to my bloggy to fit my mood & everybody's situation. Today was alright.. maybe because it's still early and nth much will happen. *loss of appetitide* i skipped my breakfast and lunch which was not very normal.. Usually i would eat a lot alot for my breakfast. Haha.
there was once i eat a bowl of prawn soup noodles, two eggs, two slices of bread and HL milk. Well... This is only my breakfast. Later on, i had chicken rice for my lunch. erh... is that a lot? haha.. still can la..
Backstabbers are everywhere... I don even know who is right and who is wrong.. maybe.. the answer is both. jealousy just makes people evil. i was once too... childish me... but.. pls do not take advantage of my situation to pull me down... when i said i'm sorry... i mean it... don take advantage of it and try more to tarnish my pride.. don cross the line..
by the way.. it's ACW who gave me a little but useful help on my bloggy.. aiyah.. why didn't he *appear* earlier.. i still remembered that the day i first started using bloggy... wah! i spend a solid day to come out with a coloured background.. *phew*... no one helped me. i think that they are trying to but sometimes this type of things are hard to teach.. yeah? haha. i'm also like that sometimes..
4/10/2004 12:10:00 pm
Haiz... he said that he's goin to buy the handphone with me... in the end... he bought it today... i donno if i'm petty or wat... i trust watever he says.. i believe that watever he says.. he'll do it.. but recently.... it didn't go this way... i know that there's reasons behind it. i can't blame him. and i'm not trying to blame him.. i'm just a little disappointed... now i shall keep munching on my biscuit to swallow "everything" down.. swallow all my miseries... jus get it down...
why am i feeling so... damn.. miserable...? nth very bad has happened to me... PMS..? i hope so... i'm feeling blue.. just hope that someone would accompany me... actually he volunteered to find me.. but i rejected. maybe because i still hav to swallow down the fact that he already bought that handphone... and if i were to see him straight away.. i really feel like scolding him which i don't think that it's reasonable..
haiz...... i just work with wat i have lor... don't grumble and complain too much... even if i were to.., just swallow it down... haiz... so blue.... i wanna have my own time.. yet i still feel so lonely... i don't know wat i want..
he said that i don't have "zhu jian".... haiz... i know he don't mean to critize me.. he jus wan me to do the things i like. donno why i feel more miserable when he said that.... haiz....
if i do things that i like.... people say that i'm selfish... if i do things for others... others say that i don have "zhu jian".... haha.. it's so funny.... then wat should i do to get people to praise me....? nowadays... people seemed to like me to be angry or sad.... haiz.... don wanna talk about it le... *swallowed*
qianqian ar.. qianqian. why are you so sensitive...? can you look on the brighter side....? haha..
4/09/2004 04:46:00 pm
Heys... Morning bloggy~! i'm here to serve you breakfast. Today's breakfast will be words. Have a nice meal~ haha..
have been rather down recently... maybe it's because i've sensed something bad.. anyway.. more problems are coming up. people are getting hurt. people are crying inside while others laughed.
Wow... growing up is a tough thing man.. SoOo much problems.. only if everyone, including me, can have a much simpler brain.. that will be good. we won't be thinking too much and we won't make use of our intelligence to do bad things.
sometimes... i really hate to see myself smile when i'm crying inside... i keep thinking... "ni hai xiao de chu lai ar.."
It seemed like the more i laugh, the more i'm crying inside... deep deep inside.. there's a lock. locking me up. i'm just stuck.. there's a limit to my happiness.
Sadedx...
however.. my life isn't that miserable la.. lol~ sounded so sad. there's still some colours in my life. i've met many many different kind of pple. And i do admire some of them.. admire them for their intelligence, their EQ, their IQ their character and watever they had done for others and for me. Well.. i don't have such skills. I'm a book. everything about me doesn't origin from myself but from others. I learn from others. Just like an empty book. everything comes from the author. Yeah?
4/09/2004 09:19:00 am
today.. i just looked at my bloggy.. my bloggy just stared blankly at me.. nth further to add on.. too much sadness, too much happiness.. jus feel like throwing everything aside.. hope to be sick again.. wat i mean sick.. is the serious type.. i jus wanna stop thinking, stop working, stop faking and stop facing the reality. i feel so fake when i'm in front of everyone... making me to look into their eyes.. is wat i'm training myself to do now. it's a pity for me not to reveal wat i feel.. no one wants to know how i feel.. partly becoz.. i don feel like toking about it.. who cares? watever i feel.. doesn't really matter. i'm jus like a book being locked in a small box. burying everything inside.. when i wanna reveal my story.. i jus couldn't open up to let others read... pple just throw their feelings onto me.. feeling very uneasy now.... i've been dreaming alot recently.. my brain keeps thinking and thinking and thinking and couldn't stop.. many things are running through my head and i can't even say them out.. i can't make pple to understand me.. becoz everyone's waiting for me to understand them.. should i give up my selfish thoughts and care for others..? if i do... i'm gonna explode one day. but i i know i must. i know i'll explode.. haha.
4/06/2004 06:41:00 pm
Everyday, we awaken with another chance of life
Sometimes, we forget how LUCKY we are and we often forget..
to APpRecIate the little things around us.. that mean so much.
Here's a poem I wish to shArE with all of you.
Thank You for being PART of this wonderful group.
Too often we don't realise..
What we have until it's gone..
Too often.. we wait too LATE to say..
"i'm sorry.. i was wrong.. =( "
Sometimes.. it seems... we HURT the ones..
We hold dearest to our HEARTS ("V")
And we allow foolish things...
To tear our lives apart..
Far too many times we let
Unimportant things.. into our mind
And then it's usually too late
To SEE what makes us BLIND
To be sure that you let people know..
HOW much they mean to YOU
Take that time to say the words
BeFore your time is through..
Be SURE that you appreciate
Everything you've got
and be THANKFUL for the things
In life.. that mean a LOT!
4/04/2004 08:22:00 am