it's cute. (:
i love!
HEHEHE :D
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
i'malittlepony!
i'malittlepony!
Sunday, March 28, 2004
i'malittlepony!
Saturday, March 27, 2004
i'malittlepony!
i skipped st.john today... why?? coz i found no friends there.. most of them just turned their back on me... where has all the friendship gone..? where has our unity gone..? i'm the one who brought them together.. i'm the one who pulls them together.. Now.. they are the ones.. who pushed me away. every week during st.john, we would wait for each others and go for st.john together.. today.. they just walked away like nobody's business.. they've forgotten ALL about me.. haiz... do i deserve that..? they can even just walk pass me even without asking me if i'm coming for st.john or if i would like to join them.. heyx.. why are they like that... they are so cruel.. mean... and "hign up". for all of life, i've nv been treated like this before... i can't believe that just within one day... they can change.. where's all the.. "not fun without you..", "come lex..!!"....? sobx.. did i treat them badly..? i alwys encourage them.. be with them.. do things for them.. play with them.. share their problems.. i've done wat a friend should do.. how about them...? are they really so unfaithful..., innocently ignoring me. i can't believe.. is the word.."FRIENDS" fake? i really cannot believe that i have such friends.. i alwys take them as truthful, friendly and nice pple despite their character flaws.. i DO!! they've just damaged the nice image i hav in them... sobx... saDed.. sad for them... maybe, that's the way they can do to survive through this realistic world.. i wonder.... wat will happen between them... they might be togther forever.. they might start comparing each others status, career, studies with each other after they graduate.. Now.. it just freaked me to think of them.. their bossy face, looking fiercely at me.. so scAry.. their mean words... their mean attitude... their mean behavior... their mean words... JUST SCARED ME OFF. i don owe them... neither did they owe me...
3/31/2004 06:54:00 pm
today... i donno if i'm happy or not.. but overall.. it's alright.. i feel that i'm those who really can't accept critisim... haiz.. coz sometimes i really think that i'm right.. but pple keep forcing me to believe that i'm wrong.. somehow.. i feel that if i don accept wat they say, i'll be those who is stubborn and don care wat other pple think. however, if i accept, i feel that.. i'm still right and it turned out to be forcing myself to accept, adding stress. olivia said that the truth will alwys come out one day. HmMm.. one day.. one fine day.. i think for now.. i'll just listen to wat everyone hav to say about me.. although i still think that i'm right.. but i know those who advise me, meant good for me. i'll try my best to accept it and learn. everyone wants me to change.. why can't they jus accept the bad and good in me.. i know that it's their rights not to accept.. but somehow.. i feel sad.. this world doesn't accept me as wat i am.. change.. change.. change... change.. must this world push me to the end of the edge before they could free me... people just can't accept me as wat i am.. such a failure.. why put me into this world... so torturing.. sometimes i would think.. "wat will happen if i'm not around.." people will do just fine without me.. olivia sister's said "if you hav the courage to die... you hav the courage to live" living in such a cruel world is the greatest courage.i can't believe i still manage to survive for 15yrs+. i don belong here... i just dont.. can someone take me away.. i like sleeping because.. i know it's the only time i wont get contact with any human in this world.. i can be in my own world.. sometimes.. i even feel that i can just lie there for the rest of my life.. this is a sign of running away from reality and i know it. too bad lor.. i'm not strong enough.. i only know how to run.. suddenly.. i hav to urge to go for a jogging.. for the past few yrs, jogging seemed tough for me.. now, the toughness of it.. really can't be compared to the toughness i'm facing in my life now. i'm glad i still hav a family. although, i hav a little problem in the family.. at least i still hav my mother father and korkor around. at least i'm not alone.. can someone just take me away.. no one appreciates me.. i'm jus the odd one out! and even if they do, it's really hard for me to believe.. my bloggy is full of misery.. the background and the design can't brighten up the mood while i'm typing. tears just blurred my vision and remained there.. i'm not willing to drop a tear. i hate to let pple know that i'm crying.. i looked just pathetic.. but.. "pian pian" i'm a cry bun. haha! wat i need is not sympathy.. wat i need is understanding... i wonder.. the one who is lack of understanding is me or the world.. no matter wat.. i just don fit in here..
3/30/2004 10:58:00 pm
Today... i told my parents the truth... they said.. "they are your good friends. You should go and widen up your knowledge. Your knowledge must be isn't wide enough.. if not they won't look down on you.." *sobz* even my mother also say that.. it's ok i don hav general knowledge.. but my point is.. even if i don't have general knowledge.. can't i be your friend..?
From Pri Sch till now.. I've been pushed around.. however I'm glad that my pri sch friend still take the initiative to contact me. *forgiven* she's nice and i know she don't mean it.. We were kids after all..
That junxiang hor.. wants me to write about him in my bloggy.. HERE YOU GO. Not fair de lex.. When will he be willing to write a testi for me lex...? This adds a BIG question mark in my brain. Yesterday he bought my a cute wallet.. hehex.. so happy. i really like it very much even though that wallet is a nuisance.. can't put much things. just One ez-link card, I hav a feeling that it's gonna *burst*. I almost overslept today! or i can say, i did overslept. thanks to him, i wan't late for sch. *phew*...
Friends friends friends... Sobz... this word keep coming across my brain, my mind.. my soul... saded.. i shall work hard for a better future and better friends.. NO! but true friends. Friends are important to me you know.. they are the ones who gives me strength to live on.. if not.. where will i be? i'll be putting my head into the biggest hole i've ever found. haha.. no confidence la... even saying all this in my bloggy, i'll feel shy.. i hope that whoever who reads my bloggy will have a sWeEt DaY today, tomorrow &.. EVERYDAY. Live your life to the fullest!!
3/30/2004 12:33:00 am
today... i woke up feeling... very.. depress.. thinking of my friends... and i recalled some of their angry face whenever i don't get wat they mean.. i wonder why should they be angry? jus explain clearly to me can le lor.. they already hav the anger inside them, therefore.. they can't explain nicely to me.. they hav a hard time explaining... me lex... i hav a more difficult time thinking.. they already plan not to get along so much with me.. watever i do.. they will nv change. i feel that i'm more hurt than to feel angry.. last time, they also hav alot of bad points.. but i also nv prejudice them.. we alwys hav a good time together, talking about the topics we are most familiar with.. now.. jus becoz i don understand all those "harvard" and "university" stuffs.. they already consider me as lack of knowledge.. yvonne said that all this is last time le.. the PAST not NOW. i'm still not willing to wake up.. i can't believe that they are those "high" up people who will look down on others.. i really can't believe. they wan me to break with junxiang.. they are the ones who want me to be with him.. maybe becoz i didn't prove to them how much i like him.. the one who is alwys "fu chu" is him.. not me. forever they will tell me... "you DON LIKE junxiang" sometimes, in caps. i talk very little about him to them.. it's becoz whenever i talk about BGR, they will give me an impression that they are not interested, they are only interested in "realistic" things.. just within a few minutes after i've waken up... i'll think of all these... i donno if they really wanna help me, that's why they use such nasty act.. or they already don like me.. and they think that i donno.. still pestering them. i alwys thought that people will alwys welcome me.. i know very thick skin la.. they are friends.. been through thick and thin. after all that, they *pull* me down... where has my goodness in them gone to?? i don hav ar.. today i'm goin out with the true people. Yvonne and junxiang. they won't xian qi wo. they will teach me. and they do it all becoz we are friends. and not becoz they wanna *push* me away... i can't promise junxiang that we'll alwys be together... but i can promise him that i will treat him truthfully and NOT get influnce by them.
3/28/2004 07:57:00 am
today is a very miserable day for me.... my close friends... are gonna part with me... *smiles* i've got to be independent... thanks for their "push" to make me study. they don wanna be with me anymore... and they blame it all on my stupidity and lack of knowledge... is that the way? yalah.. they've got the every rights to choose the friends they wan... i treasure them. but treasure them in a wrong way... maybe loh...
3/27/2004 03:18:00 pm